


Shatter the Day

by bananaquit



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Gen, Heavy Angst, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 01:29:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13260753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bananaquit/pseuds/bananaquit
Summary: He seized the day. Now he is not only going to seize the day, he is going to shatter it.





	Shatter the Day

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE

Todd knew what he was getting into when he stood on the desk, when he finally made himself heard for the first and last time. He knew he'd stir up a storm, that he'd be the only one expelled, that he'd have hell to pay. He knew he'd have to spend at least a day at home with his parents while they made phone calls and frantically filed the paperwork that would send him back to Balincrest. 

But hell, he did it anyway. He seized the day. Now he is not only going to seize the day, he is going to shatter it. 

Todd sits in his room, leaning over that fucking desk set, bleeding out onto the paper, freeing everything that has been trapped inside him for so long. The things he can't speak aloud manifest themselves in two letters.

_Mr. Perry, your son’s death wasn’t a suicide. It was a murder, and you framed an innocent man for the crime you committed. I doubt my parents will bother to tell anyone, but I'll be dead by the time you read this. Congratulations on taking a second life. I would have killed you myself if I wasn’t such a coward._

_-Todd Anderson_

The first is his last barbaric yawp. The second is his resignation from the powerful play Keating is so fond of talking about, a retraction of the verse he's never mustered the courage to contribute.

 _Meeks, Pitts, Knox, thank you for being my friends. Thank you for showing me kindness. There aren’t words to describe how much it means. If you see Charlie again, tell him the same thing, and make sure to thank him for punching Cameron for me. If you ever hear from_ _Mr. Keating again, tell him I said thank you for everything. Most of all, thank him for caring about me._

_-Todd_

He would apologize, but he doubts they'll hear of his death. It's best to leave them on a positive note - in the dark.

He doesn’t leave anything for his parents. They’ve forgotten he’s alive anyway.

Todd walks out into the snow and deposits the letters in the mailbox. He doesn't mind the cold. Soon, he'll be cold too. 

His parents are asleep now. There's just one more thing he needs to say.

" _Neil-_ " he chokes out, the word barely a whimper. He sniffles and ignores the tears running down his cheeks. "I'll be there soon." he says to the ceiling.

Todd takes a deep breath and steadies his shaking hands. He's ready to silence himself permanently. 

 _But I had so much to say_ , he thinks fleetingly as he pulls the trigger. The bullet stops his mind before it can continue. The thought is a too-late flash of regret, the beginnings of a vision of what might have been. He never gets the chance to consider that maybe his words do matter, that Neil and Keating and the others would want him to keep on living, that he just might be worth something.

Todd's parents find him dead not long after. Gunshot wound to the head.

**Author's Note:**

> if you're thinking about suicide, please contact a helpline/professional.  
> stay alive. you still have a lot left to say.


End file.
